I find it interesting lately that whenever the subject of domestic violence comes up, I see a lot of very bitter comments by men about how violent and abusive women are, how they don’t have equal access to shelters and no one takes their suffering seriously, how feminists have essentially taken over America and so on.

I guess I didn’t get the memo. If we’ve taken over America and now run everything and have placed all men in a downtrodden state, why don’t we make as much money as men? I guess we must just be lazy bitches. I guess that also explains why we have fewer representatives in government, why we have to even ask the question whether a woman could be elected president, and why we’re still the ones who are blamed if our family homes are not spotless.

When I worked at a college women’s center men used to complain to us that they had no center of their own. Actually there was money set aside for men’s services–but no one came forward to claim it and create a center, even though we always told the complainers about it.

I think the same dynamic is involved with domestic violence and male victims. Instead of championing their needs and creating a host of shelters and services, why not bitch (no pun intended) about women having some special priority and shelters of their own because they worked hard to create them!?

These women’s shelters, by the way, almost always have a waiting list of women and children needing to escape the violence of their male partners. Last summer my daughter left her abusive husband and came to our apartment. When she called the shelter (because we weren’t allowed to have long term guests) they told her if she was somewhere safe for the moment they couldn’t help her because they had a waiting list. We eventually got evicted over offering her shelter. (Fortunately she now has a small apartment and works every night delivering newspapers. Hard but she’s free of violence.)

Yes of course all women are not angels and some are abusive and even homicidal, and they should be treated the same under our court system. Yes of course men should have shelters (I don’t think it works for them to share the same ones, imagine the abuser entering the shelter with his abused wife)! So go create them!

As for not overloading our prison system, if we’d change the archaic drug laws and legalize some of the less damaging drugs, tax the hell out of them (which wouldn’t make them any more expensive than they are now), and empty our prisons of the drug offenders who just end up getting a free criminal tuition behind bars, we ought to have the money to really focus on incarcerating violent people who demonstrate that they cannot and will not do what it takes to change.

As for women like Andrea Yates, oft cited, she did not “get off free,” she is getting the mental health treatment she needed all along and will likely be in an institution for all or most of her life. Her actions did not take place after years of violent behavior, they were obviously an aberration brought on by mental illness. If her husband had similarly suffered a psychotic break, I’d hope to see him treated the same way by the justice system.

A lot has been said about women being the primary abusers of children–well yes, they are also the primary caretakers, regardless of their propensity or inclination or mental fitness to be so. If children were cared for equally by men and women, one wonders what the statistics would be. In any event, citing some women’s abuse of children does not in any way diminish the need to protect some women and children from men. It just means that child abuse also needs to be a major concern of our society and far more resources need to be made available to deal with any and all forms of domestic violence.

Why are we not teaching assertive, non-manipulative communication and good parenting techniques in our schools? Why do we expect people to become parents without any training? Isn’t it one of the most important jobs we’ll ever do? What other jobs can you think of where there is no job training at all? Even burger joints have some sort of orientation.

No one, man woman or child, deserves to be verbally, emotionally, or physically abused. Our society needs to do a lot more and if we are all so concerned and want to gripe about it, why don’t we spend some of this energy at least writing to our political representatives and demanding more funding, more research, and more action? Demand an overhaul of the justice system! Do something! Raise funds for men’s shelters! Volunteer in one! Don’t just sit around and complain!

And finally, there are happy endings for abused women. Some of us, like myself, go on to have healthy marriages to good men. There is hope! I left years ago and put myself through college. Yes we struggled financially but we lived in peace, and there is no price I wouldn’t pay for that. I also didn’t forget my sisters–I volunteered at a shelter and on a crisis hot line. Give back, pay it forward. Take responsibility, and be a role model.

Been There, Burned the T-Shirt, and Moved On

Bob

Catch more of The World according to Bob at: http://bobstruth.blogspot.com/

If you look at the DoJ, you will see that even the Violence Against Women Office states 39% of the abused victims are men. This is a far cry from what society is still being told that 95% are women. This is still low because it does not reflect that many men are arrested for being battered which would throw these stats off greatly.

Still, because of the Violence Against Women Act, there is no help for any abused man. Someone called it an abuse industry and that is what it is. No, most of those working in it do not get paid, but those high up the ladder do. They need victims so they loosen the definition of abuse to include more and more women. For example, if a man is in a heated argument with his spouse, he is told to walk away and let things cool down. If he tries to do this, and she blocks his only exit, if he tries to move her out of the way so he can leave, he can be charged with assault. If he blocks her way out, he can be changed with unlawful imprisonment. Why the double standard?

Unbiased research shows that abuse is about equal. These are studies done by universities or other places that do not have a special interest in what they find. Are not these far more reliable then special interest studies? The 95% are women rate is from feminist sources. This would be like asking Ronald McDonald what the best hamburger is.

Also, I want to point out that the VAWA was written with a lot of input from radical feminist groups without one single person being there from the other side. I ask, would we want Congress to pass a racial relationship policy asking for input from the KKK only?

We need to start looking at both sides of this issue. If we only listen to one side, regardless of which side, we can not have truth and without truth, we can not have justice. This is one reason why the organization I founded does accept both men AND women. Shattered Men had almost 1,000 members but someone was afraid of it so they hacked into it and deleted the interactive group but we are not giving up. IF you have been, are being abused or if you care about those who have been, you are welcomed to join us.

You can also find a lot of information on the Violence Against Women Act and see that it does not help anyone at:

http://www.mediaradar.org

Pastor Kenneth Deemer

Director Shattered Men
P.O. BOX 166
MARION INDIANA 46952-0166

shatteredmen@earthlink.net

JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month

Web site: http://www.shatterdmen.com
Interactive Group: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Shatteredmen/

Because the fact is there are good and bad people not just bad men.

Because the majority of research on domestic violence comes from feminist orgs and feminists. Much research does not consider men. What research there is outside of feminist groups tells a story other than “perfect women are the victims of evil men” Men are victims of domestic violence in numbers very equal to women. http://www.statcan.ca/Daily/English/050714/d050714a.htm
http://pubpages.unh.edu/~mas2/ID16.pdf
http://www.abs.gov.au/AUSSTATS/abs@.nsf/ProductsbyTopic/0556FBD355B2719BCA2571C50074ABF2?OpenDocument

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRG1A8L2taU
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/glasgow_and_west/5092100.stm

This is research done by the Canadian and Australian governments that included men in the surveys and the questions asked were gender neutral.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=433256&in_page_id=1879&in_page_id=1879
It seems whenever a corporation, government or Private citizen creates “awareness” to the issue, they expose the influence of feminism, there are no men in images, men are not considered, we have become aware of a feminist outlook, not the issue, the issue will be easier to tackle when we come to understand who the real victims are… people. I mean men will no longer be as demonized and feminists wont be as rich or valid but I just call that progress.

>> MoxieHart
>> “When you see a campaign like this, I don’t think that they’re trying to exclude you. & if it bothers you, why not try & do something that helps BOTH genders that have survived domestic violence?”

That’s exactly what they’re trying to do: encourage the media to develop ads that reflect the realities of domestic violence and get help for both genders. A great deal of time, effort, and government resources have been put into fighting violence against women; none, so far, for violence against men.

>> Susy Schultz
>> “There are studies that support the idea that men are battered just as much as women–but they are poor studies using junk science and holding no scientific or statistical merit. [...] you can look at police reports, information from the Justice Department and a host of other credible sources.”

That is blatantly untrue. Statistics Canada is one of the most reputable statistics agencies in the world. Calling their statistics “junk science” while claiming that police reports accurately measure abuse is patently absurd. We all know that crimes like rape are under-reported to police. Is it such a stretch to think that men under-report their domestic violence at the hands of their women partners? There are no services available to men, they don’t see themselves in the media as potential victims (these ads as an example), and they run the risk of being counter-accused by their abuser and the justice system is more likely to believe their abuser, to boot. Numerous very credible sources have proven that abuse is roughly equal between partners, regardless of sex (see below, StatsCan)

>>> Kuri
>>> “[re: StatsCan:] women are overwhelmingly the victims and men overwhelmingly the perpetrators and thus painting a rather skewed image of the issue”

Again, this is blatantly untrue. From Statistics Canada _Family Violence: A Statistical Profile_, “An estimated 7% of women and 6% of men in a current or previous spousal relationship encountered spousal violence”. While the results of the violence do differ, if you consider one percentage point to make men overwhelmingly the perpetrators, as Kuri does, I think you need to check your bias at the door.

Whether or not this is a real Benetton ad is not important. What is important is that this discussion reflects a real-life issue for so many men who can’t get help. They don’t see themselves or their issues reflected in the media/popular culture. When they try to put forth their issues, they’re silenced through shaming language and people who say things like what we’re seeing here.

The Reality is that while women have fought long and hard for equality, men have fallen behind. Not just in domestic violence initiatives, but in so many aspects of society.

We often look to the media, including advertisers, to reflect our realities and the diversity of society. That’s why there are many people who want to see more inclusive ads that recognize all types of domestic violence: including violence against men, violence against people with disabilities, violence against people of colour, and so on.

Even if you don’t believe the statistics that domestic violence is roughly equal, surely, no self-respecting feminist would argue that only white women should be in these ads. Why, then, argue that only women should be in these ads?

I guess to me that was a strange response. Placing a denial, and a bunch of links about other stuff. Could it have been a stunt to get some feelers about it first? Could they have taken in down after second thoughts?

I guess the response here left me questioning more than anything. It must not bother them to much! Its free publicity I guess.

I don’t think anyone has accused you of creating these fake ads. My assumption, which turned out to be correct, was that you got then from another blog.

“As a publisher on this blog I can not ask every time I post an ad print for approval from every creative agency.”

Agreed. A good part of the fun of blogs comes from the fact that they’re (mostly) unfiltered and unapproved. Nevertheless, two things should be kept in mind:

1) It might be a good idea to check with sources before posting something that is obviously controversial and/or out of character.

2) Once you get a reply from the “Direttore Stampa e Comunicazione Istituzionale” at Benetton (which includes his contact info, to boot), it might be a good idea to pursue the matter further. One of the wonderful things about web publishing is that you can actually make corrections; you could easily make a note of Benetton’s denial on the original post.

I very much appreciate your efforts in making this content available on your blog. Living in the United States, I don’t get to see much European advertising. Sites like these, however, become more valuable when their post make use of the bare minimum of journalistic standards. Nobody likes to be taken in by a hoax.