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McCann Erickson has done an excellent job in the world Benetton brand. Now Benetton is trying to initiate some actions regarding the home violence against women.

benetton.jpgbenetton2.jpgbenetton3.jpg

The brand is brave enough to try with a negative view their same slogan – United Colors of Benetton (combined color Benetton), and make it a more cruel Colors of Domestic Violence (the color of domestic violence).
Agency: McCann Erickson

Updated: Federico Sartor May 30th, 2007 at 2:18 pm

Dear All,
this is NOT a United Colors of Benetton advertising campaign.
Please don’t be deceived, see the official Benetton Group website www.benettongroup.com

Best regards,
Federico Sartor

Direttore Stampa e Comunicazione Istituzionale
Benetton Group
Tel. 39 0422 519036
Fax 39 0422 519930

I have not received any denial email from anyone at Benetton Group. Therefore ads will remain on this blog until the denial email from the company.



43 Responses to “Colors of Domestic Violence from Benetton”

  1. 1 Earl Fibish

    What about violence against MEN? Didn’t you know that women batter men as often as the other way around?

  2. 2 Fred Hayward

    It is nice that Benetton is honoring the colors of domestic violence, but why must they trivialize domestic violence against men? I am sure that my son was no less damaged by witnessing the repeated violence by his mom against me than he would have been if he had witnessed violence by me against her. (And studies confirm that children are harmed no matter who initiates the violence.) Furthermore, every single scientific study over the past 30 years has found that women perpetrate at least as much domestic violence as men. (The statistics which show men as the dominant perpetrators come from police arrests and prosecutions, not from scientific studies. In my case, I went to the police twice, while still bleeding, and they did nothing — other than to laugh at the inconsistencies in her stories about how she inflicted my injuries.)
    Benetton is not even helping women. Half of all domestic violence is MUTUAL, so by perpetuating the stereotype that we only need to treat men, we allow that dynamic to continue unabated.

  3. 3 Lemurc

    Guys, I believe that the domestic violence against women has more impact on people then violence against men.
    Benetton has targeted its campaign on this matter.
    I promise to find a campaign about the domestic violence on men.

    Fred, Benetton is not trying to help women. Only to make people aware of this.

    I’m sure some of men believe this women look good on this ad prints. I’ll try to find some beer promotion campaign for violence against men.
    So the score will be equal. :)

  4. 4 Robert Brown

    Very few cases of domestic violence fit the profile presented by the media, the shelter industry and treatment programs(for men).

    Statistics Canada first collected data on intimate partner abuse of both men and women through its 1999 General Social Survey (GSS). Respondents were asked 10 questions concerning abuse by their current and/or previous spouses and common-law partners during the 12-month and 5-year periods preceding the telephone interview. According to their responses, almost equal proportions of men and women (7% and 8% respectively) had been the victims of intimate partner physical and psychological abuse (18% and 19% respectively). These findings were consistent with several earlier studies which reported equal rates of abuse by women and men in intimate relationship.

    *The men indicated that their disclosures of abuse were often met with reactions of disbelief, surprise and skepticism from the staff of domestic abuse shelters, legal-based institutions and hospitals, as well as friends and neighbors. These reactions may cause male victims to feel even more abused.

    *The men felt emasculated and marginalized, and tended not to express their fears, ask for help, or even discuss details of their violent experiences. During the interviews, the abused men repeatedly expressed shame and embarrassment.

    The occurrence of abuse by women against men, and its consequences, warrant attention. It is important for the victims of abuse, whether they be men or women, to know that they are not alone – that is, that such experience is not unique to their personal situation. It is also important for the perpetrators of intimate partner abuse – men or women – to recognize that violence in any form is both morally and legally wrong.

    The way to change this is for those in the shelter industry to become honest about the violence inflicted by women on men and children and demand that they be treated just like violent men.

    Complete report can be found in pdf form at:
    http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/ncfv-cnivf/familyviolence/pdfs/Intimate_Partner.pdf

  5. 5 Lemurc

    Well Robert, this ad print is not referring to the Canadian women.
    Maybe a Canadian creative agency should take care of these matters.

    Maybe in the rest of the world, home violence against women is more important then Canadian men victim of women abuse.

    This ad print is not specific for a country but for a general situation. So if in Canada men are suffering domestic violence from women, in the rest of the world (much the rest of it) women suffer the domestic violence from men.

    Not much to say…but thank a lot for your comment. Some people do not see this part of domestic violence against men.

  6. 6 michaela

    hi there, well, i must say i am quite astonished that the whole discussion around these ads is about violence against men.

  7. 7 Tobes

    Earl Fibish is telling BLATANT lies. Look up the Department of Justice stats if you must but women are HANDS DOWN the victims of intimate partner violence over men. Men are more likely to die at the hands of a stranger– but women are more likely to be abused by spouses, boyfriends etc.

  8. 8 Lemurc

    michaela, we haven’t found yet any woman to talk about violence against women.
    But we are glad that you “dare” to comment these opinions.
    Please tell us your opinion about this matter… maybe about these ad prints.

    Tobes, when you see white…some of us see black. Earl and others may see only one part of the truth. Their truth.

    I wander why there are no ads prints about violence against men.
    I`ll search for them.

  9. 9 MoxieHart

    For the men posting about violence against men:
    I have to say, first of all, I’m really sorry for what you’ve experienced. I don’t want to trivialize or invalidate what you’ve gone through. I’m a survivor of abuse, I know how it feels.
    But I have to say, that there probably isn’t a violence against men campaign b/c statistically, women are far more likely to be killed, raped, or assaulted by someone they know. Shelters need to & should be equipped to handle the needs of men dealing with domestic violence.
    When you see a campaign like this, I don’t think that they’re trying to exclude you. & if it bothers you, why not try & do something that helps BOTH genders that have survived domestic violence?
    I do find this ad campaign to be rather self-congratulatory, though. It doesn’t even give any info about where to find help or donate money. Just buy more sweaters to match your bruises! it also perpetuates the myth that all domestic violence is physical. I never had a facial bruise but my psychological scars will last forever.

  10. 10 Jessica

    But, but … what about the men ?!?!
    Does it always have to be about the men?
    An ad campaign addressing domestic violence against women does not minimizes the impact of domestic violence on men.
    These ads show that domestic violence is terrible-that’s it.

  11. 11 Susy Schultz

    There are studies that support the idea that men are battered just as much as women–but they are poor studies using junk science and holding no scientific or statistical merit. While men are battered–and that is wrong–the majority of battering is done by men on women–you can look at police reports, information from the Justice Department and a host of other credible sources. In Illinois, my organization, Chicago Foundation for Women is in the midst of a yearlong, statewide anti-violence campaign, titled, “What Will It Take?” We are going across the state asking people what will it take to make Illinois the safest state for all men and women. And we are trying to get people to understand that it is not just domestic violence, but sexual assault, elder abuse, stalking as well as human trafficking that make up the cradle-to-grave epidemic of violence against women and girls. We have many people who are talking and will talk about the issue. We even have a statewide Men’s Initiative because while the majority of violence against women is done by men–the majority of men are not violent. We all need to work together. Visit whatwillittake.org.

  12. 12 Marissa

    These ads are nothing less than shocking and appalling. I used to work for a domestic violence and sexual assault shelter before going to graduate school, and from my experience, I have to say these ads reinforce a number of dangerous stereotypes and glorify violence against women. By glorifying violence against women, I mean matching a purple sweater to a purple bruise? Showing only young model-thin beautiful women? As for stereotypes, these images only show one type of domestic violence, physical violence, when domestic violence can be verbal, emotional, spiritual, sexual, financial, and so forth. Furthermore, abusers rarely leave bruises in highly visible locations like the face. Usually the bruises are left under the clothes so that the abuse will not be publicly noticed. As for the comments about lack of representation of men, men are abused, it is sadly underreported and recognized, but women are by far more often victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. 1 out of 3 women is sexually assaulted in her lifetime. The leading cause of death among pregnant women is domestic violence.

    The bruises on the model’s faces look more like fashion accessories than a call to action or awareness. Where is the list of domestic violence shelters one can contact if they are being abused? Where are the statistics to back up the numbers who are abused? Where are the definitions of the different types or abuse and the discussions of how domestic violence crosses social, racial, and economic borders? Where is the list of shelters one can donate to to help prevent this abuse? To paraphrase what someone else said in another blog on this matter: Don’t buy a sweater, give the money to a shelter!

  13. 13 Kuri

    Robert Brown, I have two questions/comments.

    1. You refer to the “shelter industry”. I wasn’t aware that providing shelter free of charge to victims of violence who often have no income and several dependents was a for-profit activity. In fact, usually these shelter rely on donations and grants and cannot be assured of any stable funding very far in the future. Can you back up the ludicrous claim implied by that label, “industry”?

    2. You quote very selectively from that StatCan report to eliminate any references to physical violence. If one wasn’t feeling charitable, one might conclude that you are selectively omitting the chief source of abuse, broadly designed where women are overwhelmingly the victims and men overwhelmingly the perpetrators and thus painting a rather skewed image of the issue. If one wasn’t feeling charitable, that is.

  14. 14 h

    This is a really SICK campaign!

    It would be insulting to any gender!

    I’m sorry but if they are trying to increase their sales they won’t do it with this!

  15. 15 hujo

    Wow glad to see people not buying the feminist lie.

    The research outside of feminist orgs is out there. What I found with the stats is when men are not surveyed or they are but are asked different questions; domestic violence is a womans issue however when men and women are surveyed and asked the same questions; men and women are pretty much equal in numbers of domestic violence victims. Guess which stats the feminists have been touting all these years? Thats right the flawed ones.

    This biased marketing campaign is but one more example of feminisms influence . Its just this sort of thing that perpetuates these false perceptions and enables men and kids to go on being silent victims.

  16. 16 Jean Ryan

    I’m a woman who has lived through domestic violence both as a victim in my 20s and as a bystander during my youth when my mom abused my dad for 18 years. I do agree that just as many men if not more are abused and its unfair that no one pays attention. This campaign however appeals to the muck in the bottom of my bowels. Its a sick way to bring attention to such an important cause no matter what gender they’re using as the model. Benetton should hang their collective heads in shame. This is the utmost of offensive.

  17. 17 Mollie

    Women outnumber men 9 to 1 as victims of domestic violence. Do your research.

  18. 18 wiggles

    Earl and Fred: “What about MEEEEEEEEEE?!”

  19. 19 df

    These ads certainly tug at my heart strings, but why are all the women darkish?

  20. 20 Radical Dreamer

    Some men get abused. Does it really matter how many men are battered compared to women? Abuse is not a competition. Shelters should be equipped to deal with /anyone/ who needs help. Yes, men underreport abuse even more than women. Yes, they’re more likely to face ridicule over it. Yes, in some places men will receive discriminatory treatment for defending themselves. And yes, in most cases, men do far more damage to women than women do to men. But what the hell does sitting here throwing around contradictory statistics and fighting over who is worse off going to solve? Does it matter if you’re right? Even if say, 96% of domestic violence is perpetrated by men against women, that still means /some/ is perpetrated against men, and people should be aware of that too.

    As far as this campaign? What a joke. Maybe I’m missing something here, but how does promoting accessorizing to your bruises do anything but encourage you to continue to tolerate domestic abuse? My husband hits me, but he loves me, and now I can buy sweaters to match my bruises? The other posters had the right of it. Donate a percentage of your profits to the cause, promote awareness, give the locations of shelters in your local area. Don’t glamorize domestic violence.

  21. 21 WilB

    How can the colors of bruises caused by domestic violence ever be fashionable? This ad campaign is not only insulting but downright stupid.

  22. 22 Linda

    I would like to add Yes there are lots of women who are abused but there are Just as many men that are abused each year. why must we over look the other half of the abuse issue? is the fact
    that the victim is a man and the abuser is a woman does that make it any less painful for the man?

    Is it not time to VALUE ALL our people.

    http://www.shatteredmen.com/first_step.htm

    http://www.shatteredmen.com

    http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/shatteredmen

    JUNE Is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month

  23. 23 Glossolalia Black

    I love how the comments section has turned into some big wankfest about who gets abused more, men or women? My answer? Kids. People are violent assholes. Especially the grown ones.

    As far as the campaign goes, it’s strange how this Benetton ad and another ad for a slasher film with a woman tied up and tortured… how this has all of a sudden become normal. I’m not against the ads, but I’m not sure what the message should be. Are we to equate beauty and violence?

    I wonder what the women themselves in the pictures are thinking. I wonder what they’ll think in ten years. I just hope they got good and paid. I wouldn’t want any pictures, no matter how glamorous, of my worst moment in life.

  24. 24 Federico Sartor

    Dear All,
    this is NOT a United Colors of Benetton advertising campaign.
    Please don’t be deceived, see the official Benetton Group website http://www.benettongroup.com

    Best regards,
    Federico Sartor

    Direttore Stampa e Comunicazione Istituzionale
    Benetton Group
    Tel. 39 0422 519036
    Fax 39 0422 519930
    http://www.benettongroup.com/press
    http://www.benettonpress.mobi

  25. 25 Lemurc

    Federico Sartor, ad prints have on the right side a specification that says this is from United Colors of Benetton.
    “Issued in Public interest by United Colors of Benetton.”
    I didn’t put that text over there.
    Can you be more specific?

  26. 26 Jose Nieto

    “Can you be more specific?”

    The campaign is not from Benetton: i.e., they’re fake ads–probably student work.

    I don’t think that Federico Sartor can get more specific than that.

  27. 27 Lemurc

    Agency: McCann Erickson

    Some say different.

  28. 28 Jose Nieto

    “Some” is not an official source. It’s basic journalism, Lemurc: go to the original source, and ask them if it’s true. Federico Sartor says it’s not their campaign. McCann Erickson’s website doesn’t list Benetton as a client (in fact, Benetton is legendary for handling all their advertising in-house). These ads are fake: period.

  29. 29 Nathan

    Benneron has publicly stated that they did not make or authorize anyone to make these ads. These are not Benneton ads. Check out this Salon article about it.

    http://www.salon.com/mwt/broadsheet/?last_story=/mwt/broadsheet/2007/05/30/benetton_not/

  30. 30 Lemurc

    Jose Nieto, you have a point.
    But many other advertising blogs have post it. I’m not the only one who did this.

    I think Benetton or McCann Erickson should make a statement about this ads. If those are not approved ads then they should let people know.

    Few days ago I posted these ads for Parental alienation awareness. I have received an email from the President / Co-founder of this organization to tell me that those ads were not approved. I took them off. After a while a have received an email from the same person with the right ad prints attached. I made the post again.

    Those ads were taken from a public site were they were posted.
    As a publisher on this blog I can not ask every time I post an ad print for approval from every creative agency.

    These ads were taken from the site I just posted the link. Ask them from were do they got this ads.

    If I receive an email from some one on Benetton or McCann Erickson I’ll gladly take them off.
    These ads were taken from a public site and were not made by me or any other person I know.
    Google search

  31. 31 Jose Nieto

    Thanks, Nathan. Lynn Harris is an actual journalist. This is a clear example of why we still need them.

  32. 32 Jose Nieto

    “These ads were taken from a public site and were not made by me or any other person I know.”

    I don’t think anyone has accused you of creating these fake ads. My assumption, which turned out to be correct, was that you got then from another blog.

    “As a publisher on this blog I can not ask every time I post an ad print for approval from every creative agency.”

    Agreed. A good part of the fun of blogs comes from the fact that they’re (mostly) unfiltered and unapproved. Nevertheless, two things should be kept in mind:

    1) It might be a good idea to check with sources before posting something that is obviously controversial and/or out of character.

    2) Once you get a reply from the “Direttore Stampa e Comunicazione Istituzionale” at Benetton (which includes his contact info, to boot), it might be a good idea to pursue the matter further. One of the wonderful things about web publishing is that you can actually make corrections; you could easily make a note of Benetton’s denial on the original post.

    I very much appreciate your efforts in making this content available on your blog. Living in the United States, I don’t get to see much European advertising. Sites like these, however, become more valuable when their post make use of the bare minimum of journalistic standards. Nobody likes to be taken in by a hoax.

  33. 33 Lemurc

    Jose Nieto, I`ll do that when I receive an email from “Direttore Stampa e Comunicazione Istituzionale” at Benetton.
    `till now no email was sent to me. But if so I`ll post Benetton’s denial on the original post. That`s not a problem.
    Thanks.

  34. 34 h

    If it is a fake then if I were the company I would place a letter on my ‘press’ links that were supplied. This story is going all over the internet. I would place a short and sweet denial on there.

    I guess to me that was a strange response. Placing a denial, and a bunch of links about other stuff. Could it have been a stunt to get some feelers about it first? Could they have taken in down after second thoughts?

    I guess the response here left me questioning more than anything. It must not bother them to much! Its free publicity I guess.

  35. 35 Amy Rosen

    There are a quite a few falsehoods in these comments that need to be addressed.

    >> MoxieHart
    >> “When you see a campaign like this, I don’t think that they’re trying to exclude you. & if it bothers you, why not try & do something that helps BOTH genders that have survived domestic violence?”

    That’s exactly what they’re trying to do: encourage the media to develop ads that reflect the realities of domestic violence and get help for both genders. A great deal of time, effort, and government resources have been put into fighting violence against women; none, so far, for violence against men.

    >> Susy Schultz
    >> “There are studies that support the idea that men are battered just as much as women–but they are poor studies using junk science and holding no scientific or statistical merit. [...] you can look at police reports, information from the Justice Department and a host of other credible sources.”

    That is blatantly untrue. Statistics Canada is one of the most reputable statistics agencies in the world. Calling their statistics “junk science” while claiming that police reports accurately measure abuse is patently absurd. We all know that crimes like rape are under-reported to police. Is it such a stretch to think that men under-report their domestic violence at the hands of their women partners? There are no services available to men, they don’t see themselves in the media as potential victims (these ads as an example), and they run the risk of being counter-accused by their abuser and the justice system is more likely to believe their abuser, to boot. Numerous very credible sources have proven that abuse is roughly equal between partners, regardless of sex (see below, StatsCan)

    >>> Kuri
    >>> “[re: StatsCan:] women are overwhelmingly the victims and men overwhelmingly the perpetrators and thus painting a rather skewed image of the issue”

    Again, this is blatantly untrue. From Statistics Canada _Family Violence: A Statistical Profile_, “An estimated 7% of women and 6% of men in a current or previous spousal relationship encountered spousal violence”. While the results of the violence do differ, if you consider one percentage point to make men overwhelmingly the perpetrators, as Kuri does, I think you need to check your bias at the door.

    Whether or not this is a real Benetton ad is not important. What is important is that this discussion reflects a real-life issue for so many men who can’t get help. They don’t see themselves or their issues reflected in the media/popular culture. When they try to put forth their issues, they’re silenced through shaming language and people who say things like what we’re seeing here.

    The Reality is that while women have fought long and hard for equality, men have fallen behind. Not just in domestic violence initiatives, but in so many aspects of society.

    We often look to the media, including advertisers, to reflect our realities and the diversity of society. That’s why there are many people who want to see more inclusive ads that recognize all types of domestic violence: including violence against men, violence against people with disabilities, violence against people of colour, and so on.

    Even if you don’t believe the statistics that domestic violence is roughly equal, surely, no self-respecting feminist would argue that only white women should be in these ads. Why, then, argue that only women should be in these ads?

  36. 36 hujo

    But what about the men? (feminists like to enable male victims)

    Because the fact is there are good and bad people not just bad men.

    Because the majority of research on domestic violence comes from feminist orgs and feminists. Much research does not consider men. What research there is outside of feminist groups tells a story other than “perfect women are the victims of evil men” Men are victims of domestic violence in numbers very equal to women. http://www.statcan.ca/Daily/English/050714/d050714a.htm
    http://pubpages.unh.edu/~mas2/ID16.pdf
    http://www.abs.gov.au/AUSSTATS/abs@.nsf/ProductsbyTopic/0556FBD355B2719BCA2571C50074ABF2?OpenDocument

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRG1A8L2taU
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/glasgow_and_west/5092100.stm

    This is research done by the Canadian and Australian governments that included men in the surveys and the questions asked were gender neutral.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=433256&in_page_id=1879&in_page_id=1879
    It seems whenever a corporation, government or Private citizen creates “awareness” to the issue, they expose the influence of feminism, there are no men in images, men are not considered, we have become aware of a feminist outlook, not the issue, the issue will be easier to tackle when we come to understand who the real victims are… people. I mean men will no longer be as demonized and feminists wont be as rich or valid but I just call that progress.

  37. 37 Shatteredmen

    Susy Schultz stated: “There are studies that support the idea that men are battered just as much as women–but they are poor studies using junk science and holding no scientific or statistical merit. […] you can look at police reports, information from the Justice Department and a host of other credible sources.”

    If you look at the DoJ, you will see that even the Violence Against Women Office states 39% of the abused victims are men. This is a far cry from what society is still being told that 95% are women. This is still low because it does not reflect that many men are arrested for being battered which would throw these stats off greatly.

    Still, because of the Violence Against Women Act, there is no help for any abused man. Someone called it an abuse industry and that is what it is. No, most of those working in it do not get paid, but those high up the ladder do. They need victims so they loosen the definition of abuse to include more and more women. For example, if a man is in a heated argument with his spouse, he is told to walk away and let things cool down. If he tries to do this, and she blocks his only exit, if he tries to move her out of the way so he can leave, he can be charged with assault. If he blocks her way out, he can be changed with unlawful imprisonment. Why the double standard?

    Unbiased research shows that abuse is about equal. These are studies done by universities or other places that do not have a special interest in what they find. Are not these far more reliable then special interest studies? The 95% are women rate is from feminist sources. This would be like asking Ronald McDonald what the best hamburger is.

    Also, I want to point out that the VAWA was written with a lot of input from radical feminist groups without one single person being there from the other side. I ask, would we want Congress to pass a racial relationship policy asking for input from the KKK only?

    We need to start looking at both sides of this issue. If we only listen to one side, regardless of which side, we can not have truth and without truth, we can not have justice. This is one reason why the organization I founded does accept both men AND women. Shattered Men had almost 1,000 members but someone was afraid of it so they hacked into it and deleted the interactive group but we are not giving up. IF you have been, are being abused or if you care about those who have been, you are welcomed to join us.

    You can also find a lot of information on the Violence Against Women Act and see that it does not help anyone at:

    http://www.mediaradar.org

    Pastor Kenneth Deemer

    Director Shattered Men
    P.O. BOX 166
    MARION INDIANA 46952-0166

    shatteredmen@earthlink.net

    JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month

    Web site: http://www.shatterdmen.com
    Interactive Group: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Shatteredmen/

  38. 38 Bob

    Feminist hate is hurting all our society. Hate has destroyed millions of families and hurt untold millions of children. Hate is offensive to decent people. Using the color of “domestic violence” to spew hate and promote the feminist hate war on men and boys does not turn hate into love. Hatred and bigotry, along with those who promote hate and bigotry are eschewed by all decent people.

    Bob

    Catch more of The World according to Bob at: http://bobstruth.blogspot.com/

  39. 39 T. McDaniels

    Can’t we find common ground here?

    I find it interesting lately that whenever the subject of domestic violence comes up, I see a lot of very bitter comments by men about how violent and abusive women are, how they don’t have equal access to shelters and no one takes their suffering seriously, how feminists have essentially taken over America and so on.

    I guess I didn’t get the memo. If we’ve taken over America and now run everything and have placed all men in a downtrodden state, why don’t we make as much money as men? I guess we must just be lazy bitches. I guess that also explains why we have fewer representatives in government, why we have to even ask the question whether a woman could be elected president, and why we’re still the ones who are blamed if our family homes are not spotless.

    When I worked at a college women’s center men used to complain to us that they had no center of their own. Actually there was money set aside for men’s services–but no one came forward to claim it and create a center, even though we always told the complainers about it.

    I think the same dynamic is involved with domestic violence and male victims. Instead of championing their needs and creating a host of shelters and services, why not bitch (no pun intended) about women having some special priority and shelters of their own because they worked hard to create them!?

    These women’s shelters, by the way, almost always have a waiting list of women and children needing to escape the violence of their male partners. Last summer my daughter left her abusive husband and came to our apartment. When she called the shelter (because we weren’t allowed to have long term guests) they told her if she was somewhere safe for the moment they couldn’t help her because they had a waiting list. We eventually got evicted over offering her shelter. (Fortunately she now has a small apartment and works every night delivering newspapers. Hard but she’s free of violence.)

    Yes of course all women are not angels and some are abusive and even homicidal, and they should be treated the same under our court system. Yes of course men should have shelters (I don’t think it works for them to share the same ones, imagine the abuser entering the shelter with his abused wife)! So go create them!

    As for not overloading our prison system, if we’d change the archaic drug laws and legalize some of the less damaging drugs, tax the hell out of them (which wouldn’t make them any more expensive than they are now), and empty our prisons of the drug offenders who just end up getting a free criminal tuition behind bars, we ought to have the money to really focus on incarcerating violent people who demonstrate that they cannot and will not do what it takes to change.

    As for women like Andrea Yates, oft cited, she did not “get off free,” she is getting the mental health treatment she needed all along and will likely be in an institution for all or most of her life. Her actions did not take place after years of violent behavior, they were obviously an aberration brought on by mental illness. If her husband had similarly suffered a psychotic break, I’d hope to see him treated the same way by the justice system.

    A lot has been said about women being the primary abusers of children–well yes, they are also the primary caretakers, regardless of their propensity or inclination or mental fitness to be so. If children were cared for equally by men and women, one wonders what the statistics would be. In any event, citing some women’s abuse of children does not in any way diminish the need to protect some women and children from men. It just means that child abuse also needs to be a major concern of our society and far more resources need to be made available to deal with any and all forms of domestic violence.

    Why are we not teaching assertive, non-manipulative communication and good parenting techniques in our schools? Why do we expect people to become parents without any training? Isn’t it one of the most important jobs we’ll ever do? What other jobs can you think of where there is no job training at all? Even burger joints have some sort of orientation.

    No one, man woman or child, deserves to be verbally, emotionally, or physically abused. Our society needs to do a lot more and if we are all so concerned and want to gripe about it, why don’t we spend some of this energy at least writing to our political representatives and demanding more funding, more research, and more action? Demand an overhaul of the justice system! Do something! Raise funds for men’s shelters! Volunteer in one! Don’t just sit around and complain!

    And finally, there are happy endings for abused women. Some of us, like myself, go on to have healthy marriages to good men. There is hope! I left years ago and put myself through college. Yes we struggled financially but we lived in peace, and there is no price I wouldn’t pay for that. I also didn’t forget my sisters–I volunteered at a shelter and on a crisis hot line. Give back, pay it forward. Take responsibility, and be a role model.

    Been There, Burned the T-Shirt, and Moved On

  40. 40 Marla

    Too late. At this point in time feminism is merely victimhood. Its already too late to correct things without first tearing it all down. It is sad to realize that one psychotic narcissist can become so involved with internet activity so as to do more harm to legitimate concerns of domestic violence and shared parenting.
    Earl Fibish is a mere alias and can be observed under several other aliases including cloud_writer on the police_dv yahoo group and platypus on the fathers_are_parents_too yahoo group, not to mention finding this insane man as cloud_writer within google groups. Some of his identities are male, some are female in order to gain the trust of victims as he trolls for business in his occupation. Domestic violence victims are particularly susceptable. Beware of this sophisticated TROLL.

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